Me

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I never found religion, but was born with freedom. That's the one thing I pray will not be taken!

lørdag den 1. april 2017

True Friends

Bring Me The Horizon - True Friends


I’ve been listening to this song a lot, the last couple of months. Me and my best friend aren’t talking anymore, because I became tired of her not contacting me, unless she needed me for something. So I’m pretty pissed at her and well this song describes how I feel about her pretty well. It all started when she moved from the city we both lived in. I understood why she moved and I tried to be as supporting as she needed me too, but then she started to get new friends and stop contacting me. I, of course, kept contacting her, but in the end I got tired of it, so I stopped contacting her and after that I haven’t really heard from her. She wrote me once, to say that she was moving in with a friend, but that was like half a year ago. So now I finally took the step to get her out of my life. It’s hard though, ‘cause we’ve been friends for almost 8 years and now she’s not a part of my life anymore. Which both makes me sad and really angry. I guess that is why I listen to this song a lot. 


lørdag den 7. maj 2016

Cool Kids

 Echosmith - Cool Kids
"She sees them walking in a straight line, that's not really her style.
And they all got the same heartbeat, but hers is falling behind.
Nothing in this world could ever bring them down.
Yeah, they're invincible, and she's just in the background.
And she says:
I wish that I could be like the cool kids,
'Cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in.
I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids."



mandag den 25. april 2016

Forever a Hollywood Undead fan

Hollywood Undead - The Loss

This was the first Hollywood Undead song I ever heard and already 30 seconds into the song I was in love. I’ve been a fan ever since.
The reason I fell in love with this song was because I could relate to it. When I first heard this song I was in a pretty black period of my life, and this song helped me a lot. At that time I was pretty sick of myself, furthermore I was really lonely at that time and I didn't have a lot of people to talk to about my problems. Which lead me to a lot of self-harm and too many thoughts.
Because of my problems I lost some of my “friends”, which only made it harder. I kept self-harming and I didn't know how to stop, at some point I even forget how it started. It was like it had always been that way. I tried to keep everything inside, I tried not to show my weakness and my pain, but it was damn hard. I tried really hard not to break down, not to feel and at some point I forgot how to feel. I became like a robot. Whenever I was outside of my room I put up a façade, so no one could see how I really felt, which made me forget how I felt, it made me forget how to feel at all.
There were so many times where I just wanted to leave this shitty life, disappear. I lived a lie and I was so damn tired of it. After a while I didn’t even care about anything. I didn’t wanted help. I just wanted to disappear.
But it got better at some point. A lot of things happened and I don't know exactly what made me better, but I started to get better. Until some jerk ruined it and I was back where it started, maybe even before it started.
Again it got better and that is what kept me going through all the breakdowns. It always got better, which meant that when it felt like the world was going to end it would get better.
Now I’m doing really great and all of the breakdowns and hard times are in the past. I got over it and moved on.
Even though I’m much better this song still means a lot to me, and Hollywood Undead means a lot too. I will always have a soft spot for HU and they would probably always be one of my favourite bands. I don’t know what I would do without HU in my life.
I saw them live in March and that was so amazing. I can’t even describe it. I wore J-Dogs mask from 2009, when I became a fan. After the concert I waited for them outside and when they came out, J-Dog saw the mask and came to talk to me and I felt like dying. It was one of the biggest moments in my life and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget those few minutes I spend talking with J-Dog. I will forever be a Hollywood Undead fan.


 

Do I deserve love?


I’ve been wondering about this for a while now. I have watched the film “The Perks Of Being A Wallflower” a couple of times now and this quote is stuck in my head “We accept the love we think we deserve”.

If this saying is true, then maybe that is why I’m still single. After all the things I’ve been through the past 6 years, maybe I don’t think I deserve to be loved. After all, the one I thought was my one true love left me. Since then all of my relationships have been pretty bad and fucked up. I try really hard not to fall in love with anyone and I reject anyone who might be interested. What if I actually think that I don’t deserve to be loved? I mean I don’t know if I do, but maybe that thought is hidden somewhere in my brain and maybe that thought is why I always run away if someone comes to close or confesses to me. Maybe that is why I’m not happy. I push my chance of happiness away, because I think that I don’t deserve to be loved.

It is a crazy thought, I know, but maybe it is true. And if it is, what the hell am I going to do about it? I really have no idea.

torsdag den 11. februar 2016

I'm waiting for superman


I’ve been waiting for my superman, for a long time now. I’ve been waiting for someone who can save me and make it all go away. I’ve been broken for 6 years and I am finally getting better, all I need now is someone to make the rest go away. Everything I listen to this song I can’t help to think how many broken souls there is in this world. I can’t help to think about all the broken souls who need their own superman.
I still don’t understand who the world can be so cruel. Why do we have to get our hearts broken? A broken heart can destroy your life, if the heartbreak is bad enough. My heartbreak almost destroyed my life, but I was strong enough to go on. The worst is that some people aren’t as strong.
I hope I won’t be waiting for my superman forever, but no matter what I will keep waiting, hoping that one day I will find someone, who can mend my broken heart. Someone who will make me happy and not break my heart. The worst part about is that I’m afraid to get my heart broken, I’m afraid to let people in. I just don’t hope that I already met my superman, but let him go because of my fear.